you packed your bags
and got out of town
just as quckly
as you came around
but we can't leave
this is our home
and the devistation lingers
long after you have gone

you see the images
on your tv screen
you want to help
but can't find the time
you send your prayers
but we need more

our whole lives
lost before our eyes
you only see
what you want to know
you have no clue
what it is like down here
and you don't care
because it is starting to snow

tents and tarps
our only shelter
as rain and wind
crash down on us
freezing nights
and painful days

will it ever end
will life ever be the same
the devistaion lingers
long after you stop seeing it
the devistaion lingers
long after you are gone

Discouragement has set in
I feel alone again.
crying for things I wish I had
and wishing for things to cry about.
wondering what they really think
and why they just stand there looking

Dazed...
living in a trance,
in my own little world....
Finding the past,
in the middle of the present,
and wondering what it all means.
Living a lie,
and hating it all,
broken
and bleeding,
I fall into your arms.
you don't know what to do with me there
you know I should run to someone else
but you long to hold me
and take care of my aching soul.

Total devistaion,
fearing things to come
stepping off the cliff
not knowing how far the fall will be.

Anger overcomes me
but it won't hold me back.
Lies surrond me
but I cling to the truth.

Pain tries to stop me
but I go on instead.

ME

I found the other poem that is like the last one. they were written about 6 months apart both for a creative writing class I was taking. there was a thing we did to come up with all the things. well that is enough about it...


ME
i am a dark red
almost black i am so red

i am an incomplete circle
almost a semicircle
but not quite that either

i am a slow jog
created in hysteria
but continued in fun

i am the klip klop of your sandle
on the hardwood floor

i am seventy two
just some random number in space

i am a green volkswagen beetle
making my way across the world

i am the comfortable worn out armchair
the one you have always known and loved

i am calamari
only when prepared right
will you enjoy me to the fullest

i am the stan up bass
to the side of the stage
waiting for my turn to play sweet melodies

i am the quietest room in the house
waiting to be occupied by more silence

i am the rain pouring down to give new life
to an environment so helpless

i am an oak in the dead of winter
naked for all to see

i am your psychotic self

must post something *digs through piles of things looking for something good to post* Ah here is something that should give you some insight into who I am. there is another one somewhere that I will find and post later....


If I...
If I were a color
I would have to be the perfect gray of the sky
just be fore a storm.

I would be a circle
continuing forever
with no begining
and no end.

I am the annoying squeak
of your sneaker on the cold tile floor.

I am a trillion billion
the number that everyone knows exists,
but no one can ever get to.

I am the kiwi
that you always pass in the supermarket,
overlooking,
until one day you slice into it
and discover how wonderful it is.

I am the star
shining bright in the sky,
until you look away
and I am no more.

-Fall 1999

Note: this isn't poetry and might do better in my normal blog, but I feel compelled to put it here instead. maybe one day it will make it to my normal blog....

I feel alone, abandoned, and unloved… I need an escape. I want to do things I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to talk about it, I want to run from it. I have always dealt with these feeling so negatively. I don’t know how much longer it will be before I break. I am not strong enough. I need more than clichés to make me feel better. I need ppl that really care. by all means, pray for me, but don’t through Christian clichés in my face and think they are going to do me any good. I know all the book answers. I know what to tell ppl when they feel like this. the one thing I don’t know is how to make all those words help. I don’t think you can do that. I think ppl just need to be held. I know I need someone to cry with. I need someone that isn’t going to tell me I just need more faith. those words mean nothing right now. those words seem belittling and pious at best! I need real compassion, not just a façade. I need real ppl being real about their struggles and questions, not a bunch of talking heads.

sorry

I really do have some new stuff!! It should be up next week, once I am home from my vacation and settled in a bit.

Painfully mutilated
dying inside
acheing for freedom
but suffocating yourself.

Watching you and crying
wishing I could help
hurting for you
like it was my pain.