Emotional past
bring angry present
and deadly futures.
I have no feeling
which gives me no life.
I don’t remember happy times
I just long for the sad times…
Not hurting
or bleeding
or needing this silence.
wanting to know this passion others have
almost feeling it,
but then slipping away.
Back into the darkness
of hate and disorder.

I want a new beginning
more of life to be lived.
I want a brighter future
with smiles and happiness.
but they only give me lies,
fake love
but hidden anger.

PLAYING GOD

note: this could be terribly controversial and I really don' t want to hear how I am wrong and or how ppl that commit suicide are going to hell... Thanks

Playing God

Looking lost…
feeling alone…
Wandering in a sea of people every day.
Knowing death brings hope,
but fearing the thought of leaving my secure home.

Just a knife,
a blade,
a gun,
a rope…
any would do
to take me to the home I long for.

I know that in death I have a promise,
and in life only pain.
But could I live with myself,
throughout eternity,
knowing I played God
and He let me win.

Agony,
self-defeating light
suffocating within myself.

Why do I always end up here?
Alone,
in the deafening silence.
Broken,
with no one to help me heal.
Crying…
Dying…
defeated once again.

I’ve found that the passion of my soul lies here.
I thrive on knowing I will end up here once again,
and my soul will return to its darkest state.

Not that I like it here,
here in this monotonous pain.
But it has become my only reality,
my only true self,
and without it I am no one.

Waiting for You

Running through the desert sands
searching for something to quinch my dry soul.
Acheing to feel Your touch,
just to be with You.
It's been a long while
since You spoke to me,
Now I long to hear Your voice
in the silence of my mind.
I feel so helpless
when I can't feel You by my side.
So I sit here
and wait for You
to give me strength to go on.

would you still love me?

would you still love me
if you knew what I had done
if you knew the lies I told
and all the things I never said...

would you still love me
if I wasn't really sorry,
and I ment every word...

would you still love me
if you knew I would do it all again,
if you knew I would hurt me,
and you would have to see...

would you still love me?

New Lives

Another place
another time
another life that we lived...
so long ago
but feels like just the other day...

so much fun...
so many times...
but now they are all just memories...
we fell apart
and became different people
living new lives now.

Then again
we went back there
just for a night...
journeyed back to those old lives
and the friendships that were there...
It was fun,
but it made us realize
that we now have new lives...
and the old ones are just memories
only to be visited together....

a poem for freinds

we are the ones who hear without words
we are the ones who hold without fears

we give flight to all those tears
we give hope that ceases to surge

we are the many
we are the few

we are you

M&M's and Other Sad Things...

Normal everyday things
not so normal anymore.
Happy things
make me sad
and sad things
just make it worse.
Crying over M&M's
and songs the radio forgot to play.
Missing people from the past
and those who are far away.
Longing for the life
I use to have
but with the subtle differences
of today.

GIRL?

Some things never change
Some people never change
Sometimes I must remember
That it isn’t up to me
To change people

I know what
I was meant to do
But why can’t others
See it so clearly
Why is it that
Their vision is so clouded
And I am just another
GIRL

Maybe I try too hard
Or not hard enough
Or maybe this
It just how it was ment to be
Maybe I am wrong
Everything I know and am
All wrong
Maybe I’m supposed
To be
Just another
GIRL

Rose Colored Glasses

If things could be the way
I always dreamed they would be
then things would be a prettier shade of pink
through these rose colored glasses I am forced to wear.
My life wouldn't be such a mess
and I wouldn't live in constant fear.

If things could be the way
I always dreamed they would be
Black and white wouldn't seem so gray
and maybe I would want to live today.

But these rose colored glasses are blinding me,
making me see more than what's really there.
They make me want to stay in bed
not live today
or any other one.
Making me believe all dreams really do come true.

So maybe I'll take off my rose colored glasses,
just for a while.
So I can see what the world is really like.
Maybe then I can decide
if I really hate myself
or if I can go on living for a while.

just some info

so I have a blog that is just thoughts and such, but today I was trying to be productive and I thought "why not start a poetry blog" so here it is... after this everything will be poetry.... so yeah blah